That's not what I meant!

Each of us thinks that we are ‘objective’, because all we can see is what we can see. What we see and experience looks like truth to us because we can’t take our subjective point of view out of our own heads. Nor can anyone else.

This is why George Bernard Shaw was absolutely right when he said, "The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."

So what do you do? How do you get the ideas in your head into the heads of other people?

First, accept that what you see and believe may not be what your team, your investors, your customers, or your audience at the conference see and believe. When you embrace that essential truth, you’re more than halfway there.

Second, find out what the people you’re communicating with see and believe. Ask them - engage in open-ended conversations. Listen to what they say. Read what they’ve written and posted. Watch talks they’ve given. If you’re going to an industry conference, just looking at the community comments, bios and talk descriptions will tell you a lot about the culture. If you want to get systematic about understanding your audiences, the Who What What table is a simple tool.

Third, when you’re speaking with someone 1:1 or in a small group, watch how they respond. Are they scowling? Looking vacant? Delightedly nodding? Taking notes? The quality of someone’s attention is a huge tell. Even more important is the quality of their questions. A great question is permission to go deeper; a clueless orthogonal question is a sign that you need to step back and start over as graciously and patiently as possible.

When the audience is your team, what do they do after they hear from you? Is it what you expected? If not, look first at how you communicated to them before you decide that their choices are their failing and not yours.

Fourth, repeat yourself. When you’re conveying a really important message, you are going to have to share it more than once. You’re going to have to share it a lot more than you think is necessary. This is especially true with customers, because change is uncomfortable for all humans. Your target market’s habits and attitudes are entrenched.

To persuade anyone to consider something new, you have to overcome their inability to see what you see – you need to show them what to imagine. When you show them what’s possible they’ll endure the discomfort of change because they are so excited about what they now see – because you showed them how to see. And that, even if it is a massive effort, is priceless!